What I can eat while pregnant (nothing?)

Doesn't she just look THRILLED?

Doesn’t she just look THRILLED?

Now that Mr Nester and I are on the road to potential pregnancy, my obsessive reading of pregnancy books and general pedantic nature has lead me to take much more notice of what I’m putting into my body. Namely, awesome food. So many of my favourite things seem to be on the no-no list of pregnant women: shellfish, sushi, soft cheese, processed meat, rare steak etc etc. oh yeah, and BOOZE. my one, my only booze! She who has been with me through thick and thin, my confidante, my courage, my muse! Much as she can be a complete bitch the next morning, I believe I will miss her a great deal when I kick her to the kerb.

Now, I know I am sounding horribly like I have a strong alcohol dependency, and let me stop you right there. Shut up. No, really, I don’t. Maybe two or three nights a week I’ll have a glass or two of wine, or perhaps a cheeky cider. It’s become an increasingly rare occasion when I max out in a slur-laden, wobbly kind of way. But still. Knowing in the midst of an awful day that I can go home and have a gorgeous glass of red gives me that little luxury to look forward to. What do I replace it with? Bloody herbal tea? Nuh uh. Get your smelly hot water away from me. I need something with SUBSTANCE.

Also, in relation to a previous post, it’s a dead giveaway, isn’t it? Mr Nester and I have been married nearly a year, and every time I mention when out that I’m not drinking, without fail my stomach becomes suddenly fascinating. I of course quickly follow the declaration with: “I’m driving”, but it doesn’t seem to help. I can practically see my waist thickening in their eyes, my stylish (ha!) outfits replaced with large, 80s era soft denim overalls. I can only imagine the fantastical imaginings when I AM actually pregnant, or maybe just when I’ve recently eaten a particularly large burger. How lovely to be out for dinner or at a party with friends and acquaintances all simultaneously wondering if I’m “with child” or just a bit porky. Something to look forward to!

I don’t know how to deal with the whole guessing game, but in regards to the food and drink, I have two rather conflicting strategies. With alcohol, I’m trying to wean myself off so the sudden absence doesn’t cause too much of a shock. With food however, I’m eating all the freaking soft cheese, salami and fillet steak that I can, to hopefully sate myself for the next 9 months once I get all knocked up.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to stuff my face.

Jane xx

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