Baby: still bagel related poppy seed. Does that make me the bagel?
What I’m cooking: that lovely little embryo will split into 3 main sections: the endoderm (to become the digestive system, liver and lungs); the mesoderm (heart, sex organs, bones, kidneys and muscles); and ectoderm (nervous system, hair, skin and eyes)
Main symptom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I’ve been wanting to sleep every minute of every day. Now it’s the weekend, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Still tired.
What’s on this week: the blood test confirmation, and my own personal best.
This is an interesting week for me, both in term of getting the official confirmation (and not just my own frenzied peeing on sticks), and also a record of sorts. As you know, I’ve been pregnant once before, in October last year. That most unfortunately turned into a chemical pregnancy, or very early miscarriage, in Week 4. Week 4 and 3 days to be precise. That day is Monday. I’m currently at Week 4+1 (4 weeks and 1 day), so you could say the anxiety has increased somewhat over the last few days.
I’m incredibly paranoid that the exact same thing is going to happen again, and while I’m trying to stay as calm and positive as possible, the last experience is never far from my mind.
What makes it worse is some of my symptoms have abated (apart from the fatigue!). While this should be a relief, the lack of tender boobs and crazy bloating has me worried my body is packing up for the month. The pregnancy tests are the only things that are providing reassurance at the moment, but even those seem to be betraying me. The test I took this morning seems very slightly lighter than yesterday’s, and that has me completely freaked out.
After everything we’ve been through in the last few months, I really need for everything to be ok this time. I need good news.
I do wonder when this anxiety and fear of miscarriage will go away, but realistically I think it will be there until right when I’m due to give birth, and then there’s fears of abnormalities, and of course of accidentally killing the baby when it’s born. I guess this is motherhood!
Maybe I can just sleep until Tuesday when they can tell me what my hCG blood test results are. I might go and try to do that now.