Guess what?

It bloody worked! Again! I’m still super paranoid something is going to go wrong, but let’s catch you up!

So last I spoke to you, I was about to go for the egg retrieval. Amazingly, we got 11 eggs this time around! I thought we were a shoe-in to get a great haul of embryos.

In terms of maturity, however, we took a bit of a hit. Only 7 were mature, and if those, 5 fertilised. I was pretty gutted when I got the phone call about this one – it was the exact same number that fertilised back in 2015, and while that round worked, I really wanted some extra back ups in case the transfer didn’t take first time around. So back to the waiting game. After 3 days, I got another phone call: of the 5 that fertilised, 4 were tracking well, and one was developing a little too quickly. As we still had 4 that looked good, that meant we’d wait for a day 5 transfer. So 2 more days of the unknown! Seriously, the waiting in ivf is possibly the worst part of the whole process. You wait to see how many follicles you have, then wait for how many eggs are retrieved, wait for maturity, wait for fertilisation, wait for day 3 reports, wait for day 5 transfer, then wait for the blood test! And after all of that waiting, if you’re lucky you wait for the ultrasound at 7 weeks, for that beautiful heartbeat. Anyway, look at me! Making you wait while I talk about waiting. Where was I?Oh yeah, transfer day! Once again, pretty smooth sailing, just like a Pap smear, and this time it was a grade 5AA embryo we transferred, that was just starting to hatch. Then again that wait. I wasn’t going to test. I was going to wait until the blood test this time, to be good. That lasted a whole 5 days. I tested at 5dp5dt (5 days past a 5 day transfer), and this was the result:Can you see it? Teeny, tiny second line! I didn’t want to get my hopes up, as there was a chance it might still be the trigger shot, so I thought if I tested again the next day and it was darker, that would tell me if it was real.So the next day I tested again…And then the next day, and the next day…Can you see where I’m going here?I’m still a little in shock, even a week after the positive beta test, but we’ve done it! I’m pregnant again!!I’m still completely on eggshells at the moment, and I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I see that heartbeat on the scan (booked in for early Jan), but for now I’m pregnant!!The blood test came back at 339, which is apparently fine, even though it’s much lower than the result I had from Miss B – I’m guessing this one just implanted a bit later. So here we are! I’ve just hit 5 weeks, I’m bloated to hell but no nausea as yet (phew!).

Thought you’d like to know 😁

Love,Jane xx

Here we go again

I’m in the thick of IVF round 2 – I’ve had injections for the last week and a half, and had my second ultrasound this morning.

Everything’s looking great so far, I have 13 follicles all ready to go, so I’ll be taking a trigger shot tonight, ready for egg retrieval on Wednesday morning!

I forgot how fast everything moves with IVF – two weeks of chaos followed by two weeks of agonising waiting.

I’m really hoping we get a better result in regards to eggs retrieved – last time we had 15 follicles, but only 7 eggs. Only 5 of those fertilised, so it was a pretty steep drop off. My fertility specialist has said that this time around the sizes are much better – all 13 are between 17-22mm, whereas last time I only had 8 at that size.

We shall see, last injections tonight (thank god, I’m very much over being stabbed in the stomach twice a night).

I’ll update you as soon as I know how it’s gone, be prepared for a woozy post on Wednesday afternoon!

Jane xx

Screw it

I wasn’t going to post while all this was happening, as some of you who read this know me in the real world, but fuck it. Blogging helped hugely the last time, so why not give it another bash?

We decided a while ago that we were ready for number 2. Miss B is almost 2 herself, and we thought that might be a good age gap. So, 10 months ago now, we started trying again. All up, we had 8 months of regular trying, which was interrupted earlier in the year with me having to get my gall bladder removed. Note to readers: if you’re getting horrible pain and tightness across your chest for hours at a time, it might just be your gallbladder. Get the bloody thing out. 

Anyway. Off track already. Oops. We decided last month that enough was enough, the natural attempt to fall pregnant wasn’t working, and didn’t we have an embryo frozen for just this reason? A good quality one too – blastocyst, grade 5BA. Perfect! Let’s just do that. 

So. We were all teed up to do a transfer this month. It was a natural FET (frozen embryo transfer), so I wasn’t on any drugs, just tracking ovulation. 

Had a phone call from the embryologist the night before, the embryo has been defrosted and would be in the incubator overnight, ready for transfer in the morning. 

Day of transfer (yesterday), I got up nice and early and made the hour trip into the city to the clinic. A fairly uneventful drive apart form the last 10 minutes, which is navigating busy roads and awkward turns through the city. That’s when the fertility specialist called. I was 5 minutes from the clinic when she rang to tell me that the embryo hadn’t survived the night. 

Not quite sure how I managed to still reach the clinic, I was streaming tears and couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing, but somehow I arrived. I’d told the specialist that I wanted to talk to her about next cycle, so she kindly said she’d hang around for me (yesterday also happened to be a public holiday).

Long chat cut short, we’ve decided to try the whole IVF thing again. Back to the drawing board, so to speak. Thankfully we’re in a position to be able to roll straight into the new cycle, both time and money are currently on our side (well, still working out the money thing, but we’ll make it happen somehow).

So here we are again. Back into fertility treatment land. Thanks for sticking with me through my extreme absences on the blog – I’m hoping to be just as thrilling this time around, hopefully with an equally positive outcome. 

Hold on to your butts,

Jane xx

Ultra- ultrasound!

Hello lovelies! I was going to put a well thought out and considered post for today’s events, but I just can’t seem to stop myself – we’re having a baby!!

We trooped off to the fertility specialist today for our first pregnancy ultrasound. It was again transvaginal (oh lovely), and I was absolutely packing it on the drive in. I had convinced myself that there would be nothing on the scan, and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the bad news. Unfortunately, being the optimist that I am, I was also having little positive thoughts jump in as well – “what if there is something there?”, “imagine how amazing it would be to see a heart beat!”, and so on and so forth. So basically, I was a complete ball of nerves, swinging wildly from excited to terrified. I was trying to keep myself calm, and I must say one thing that helped a lot was revisiting a meditation I’d done last night, courtesy of the Mind the Bump pregnancy meditation app. I highly recommend it (you can check it out here – it’s Australian, so hopefully it’s available elsewhere too…), and returning to one of their exercises really helped me settle. Well, enough to focus on driving anyway. 

Mr Nester and I arrived at the clinic, and our lovely specialist ushered us in. I made a beeline straight for the ultrasound room, which made her laugh: “no chit chat then? Let’s get down to business!”.

As I said, the ultrasound was transvaginal again, as I’m quite early on in the pregnancy so it can be hard to make out much using the abdominal scan. I couldn’t look at the screen. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at the lack of baby that I had convinced myself would show up. I stared straight up at the ceiling, waiting for the specialist to give us the bad news. My heart was pounding as she moved the wand around, paused, and said,

“Oh the baby looks great!”

My eyes shot to the screen, and sure enough, there was our little Grub with its tiny heart beating away. 


You can see the yolk sac to the left, its head is at the top, and the start of little arm and leg buds poking out towards the right. 

I swear my jaw actually dropped – it was completely mesmerising, especially when she got a good steady picture and we could see the heart beat! A strong 156 beats per minute, which is perfect. She also said our Grub was measuring at exactly the right size: 7+ weeks. I had apparently done my dates wrong as I thought I should be 7 weeks and 5 days today, but according to my transfer date I’m 7w3d.

The feeling of relief was immediate, and intoxicating. Mr Nester and I were pretty overwhelmed, and we sort of leapt at each other in a tight hug after the scan (me naked from the bottom down – literally right after the scan!). I’ve been grinning like a fool all afternoon, as I can finally let myself believe what we’ve been so cautious of – we’re having a baby!!

My 8 week update will be shunted to Sunday now with our new dates, but I’m so excited to say that we’re officially pregnant. 

Smiling inanely,

Jane xx

Dolce & Gabbana & “synthetic children”

Just a quick note in response to the interview we all know, that we’re all talking about, regarding the founders’ opinions on family and conception. 

uh oh, your ignorance is showing…

To quote them:

You are born and you have a father and a mother. Or at least it should be like this, that’s why I am not convinced by chemical children, synthetic babies, wombs for rent.” – Dolce & Gabbana, via Panorama Magazine

This angers me for oh so many reasons. The arrogance to dismiss anybody who cannot conceive naturally, whether through sexual orientation, infertility or otherwise, is abhorrent. To call much loved children of IVF, assisted fertility or surrogacy “chemical children” and “synthetic babies” is truly disgusting. How dare you? What right do you have to get on your soap box and dictate how other’s lives should play out?

We decided to go with IVF after trying for a few months, and discovering Mr Nester had Stage 3 bowel cancer. Our immediate options were to freeze sperm prior to treatment, and either wait the 2+ years in the hope Mr Nester’s production would return to normal, or use IVF either while dealing with cancer treatment, or later if we discovered Mr Nester was no longer producing any swimmers. We chose life, we chose our future, we chose hope. And so we chose IVF now, while dealing with cancer. Because if nothing else, cancer teaches you that waiting is never good, and you should live life while you can. 

My question to Messrs Dolce and Gabbana is this: how, exactly, is it our fault that my husband developed bowel cancer? Do you think we have not suffered enough with this diagnosis, while in our thirties? Does this medical issue now take away our right to want children? Should we now have to pay for such a horrific time in our marriage with a lack of family? And lastly, how fucking dare you?

As you can see, I don’t quite agree with the fashion designers’ views. In fact, I find them horribly insulting to those who have found joy and success through the power of modern science. 

If I ever had the misfortune to meet these clothes merchants, I don’t think I could hold myself back. My first instinct would be a rather large punch to the stomach, for ever daring to call the wonder that is currently forming within me “chemical” or “synthetic”.

On you Elton, I’m right with you. 

Jane xx

The blood test: the second time around

I know, dear readers, I know. I’ve left you hanging, in the lurch, holding your breath, etc. 

Today was D-Day, or in this case, B-Day (how unfortunate. Not the fancy bum cleaner). It was blood test day! The fertility clinic had said to get in as early as possible, as the sooner I got the test, the faster they’d receive the results. So there I was, at 7:30 this morning, waiting outside the dark doctor’s office for it to open (at 8:00). I don’t think I was too eager, do you? Only a half hour wait in the cold, anxiously stepping forward when anyone approached so they didn’t take my prime spot?

Anyway, in I went, got the blood test, and woozed my way off to work. All that adrenaline and blood loss, not a great mix! The fertility clinic had said to be near the phone from about 1:30pm, as that’s when the results start filing in. Which is why, when my phone rang at 11:30am, I was a little surprised to hear the clinic on the other end of the line! The woman I spoke to was completely lovely (they all are), and said “I hear you may have already tested and got the good news?”. Guiltily, I replied, “umm yeah, sorry about that!”. She followed up with, “you’ll be happy to know your blood test is also a positive, with an hCG level of 669. Anything over 300 at this stage is great.”

the most beautiful number in the world right now

So, that’s it! Pregnancy confirmed! I’m officially knocked up! Holy shit!! We ducked in to the GP tonight as well to get the ball rolling on booking with the hospital, and getting referrals for scans etc, and I’m also booked in for an ultrasound with the fertility specialist on the 8th of April. 

I’m in a world of “I’m pregnant!!!” at the moment, so I apologise if this is a load of guff, but I wanted to share it with you all. Now for the fun part – getting fat and losing sleep! Whoo!

Jane xx

Pregnancy Week 4: the second time around

Week: 4

Baby: still bagel related poppy seed. Does that make me the bagel?

What I’m cooking: that lovely little embryo will split into 3 main sections: the endoderm (to become the digestive system, liver and lungs); the mesoderm (heart, sex organs, bones, kidneys and muscles); and ectoderm (nervous system, hair, skin and eyes)

Main symptom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’ve been wanting to sleep every minute of every day. Now it’s the weekend, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Still tired. 

What’s on this week: the blood test confirmation, and my own personal best.

Week 4

This is an interesting week for me, both in term of getting the official confirmation (and not just my own frenzied peeing on sticks), and also a record of sorts. As you know, I’ve been pregnant once before, in October last year. That most unfortunately turned into a chemical pregnancy, or very early miscarriage, in Week 4. Week 4 and 3 days to be precise. That day is Monday. I’m currently at Week 4+1 (4 weeks and 1 day), so you could say the anxiety has increased somewhat over the last few days. 


I’m incredibly paranoid that the exact same thing is going to happen again, and while I’m trying to stay as calm and positive as possible, the last experience is never far from my mind. 

What makes it worse is some of my symptoms have abated (apart from the fatigue!). While this should be a relief, the lack of tender boobs and crazy bloating has me worried my body is packing up for the month. The pregnancy tests are the only things that are providing reassurance at the moment, but even those seem to be betraying me. The test I took this morning seems very slightly lighter than yesterday’s, and that has me completely freaked out. 

that bitchy little test at the bottom…

After everything we’ve been through in the last few months, I really need for everything to be ok this time. I need good news. 


I do wonder when this anxiety and fear of miscarriage will go away, but realistically I think it will be there until right when I’m due to give birth, and then there’s fears of abnormalities, and of course of accidentally killing the baby when it’s born. I guess this is motherhood!


Maybe I can just sleep until Tuesday when they can tell me what my hCG blood test results are. I might go and try to do that now. 


Jane xx

Pregnancy Week 3: the second time around

Week: 3 (and a bit)

Baby: a teeny little blob (about the size of a poppy seed)

What I’m cooking: the blastocyst has embedded in my uterus, and is now developing the neural tube and a bit of brain

Main symptom: BLOAT. Oh my god I might just be 6 months pregnant and I didn’t know it

What’s on this week: lots of self pregnancy tests

Well hello there. It’s just me, Jane. Oh yeah, and my growing little blob currently residing in my uterus! After another positive pregnancy test this morning, which was substantially darker than the last one, I’m willing to say that I might just be pregnant! Of course, this still needs to be confirmed with a blood test, happening early next week. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself, as last time I had all but picked out the school our baby was attending, before a very early miscarriage.

come on, you beautiful second line you!

Last time, my blood test results were in the 30s – pretty low. I’m really hoping that we get a great result, which will put my mind at ease for a minute or two.

The one thing that’s making me think that maybe things are progressing well with this pregnancy is the symptoms. Bloody hell, the symptoms! I am so bloated I keep thinking I’ve been eating nothing but junk food for about 6 months. I refuse to weigh myself, because I don’t know if I’d recover from the shock! I’m also cramping quite a lot – funny little cramps, right down near the money maker (oh, you know what I mean!). With those two, along with massive boobs, vague-brain and dizziness, my body is sure trying to tell me I’m knocked up.

Maybe it's just the pizza I'm currently stuffing into my face?

Maybe it’s just the pizza I’m currently stuffing into my face?

Today puts me at 7dp5dt, or exactly a week after the embryo transfer, or with the pregnancy calculator 3 weeks and 5 days (they throw in the first two weeks for free – bonus!). So it’s still very early days, and there’s still a high chance of miscarriage. However, I’m trying not to think about that, and instead focus on the incredible fact that I’m growing another human! I’m pregnant! No matter how long it may be for (9 months please, please!), it’s a lovely feeling.

Next week should hopefully bring the confirmation, and I’m guessing an appointment to check on things at some point. Until then, it’s just Mr Nester, me and my lovely little bean. How wonderful!

Jane xx

Testing, 1… 2…

what a difference IVF makes! You might remember, from way back in October 2014, my story of getting a positive pregnancy test (read all about it here). The dismissal, disbelief, squinting to interpret that faint second line, waking up Mr Nester? The excitement? How fertility treatments change all of that!

Let me explain. This morning marked 6 days after my embryo transfer (6dp5dt), equivalent to 11DPO in normal fertility language. Usually, I would have tested every day for the last four or so days, but as this cycle was using IVF, I was scared silly that I might get a misleading result. The trigger shot that you take for IVF is basically a high dose of hCG – the hormone that lights up that lovely second line on a pregnancy test. This means that it takes a while to get the trigger out of your system, in order for the preggo test to give you a real response. 

So. This morning I decided to test. Well, I’d decided last night, as I couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. I’m getting all the symptoms under the sun (except nausea, thank goodness!), and I just wanted to know. That way I could start dealing with it if it was a negative. Because I knew last night I was going to let myself test, my sleeping was, well, not great. Wide awake at 4am, I thought “bugger it! I have to pee anyway.” Off I trot to the bathroom to pee on a stick. Quite novel actually, it’s been months since I last had a go! Thankfully, I still remembered how to do it. Phew!

There I sat, trying to count 3 minutes in my head, all while staring intently at that stick. One line, very strong. Then…a hint…a glimpse…yep, that’s a second line! Somewhat faint, but certainly not one that needs squinting. I wander back in to see Mr Nester. He looks at me: “So?”

My romantic response: “ummm, yeah it’s positive, but it’s pretty light.”

His reply: “hmmm. Ok then. I guess we check again in a couple of days”.

What a story to tell the kids!!

Since talking to some other wonderful women who are going through the same IVF cycle (through a forum group on the Glow app – I can’t recommend it highly enough!), they’ve convinced me that it is actually pretty dark for 11DPO, and if there was any trigger left it would be ridiculously light. 

my lovely second line, at 6dp5dt..

So, very hesitantly (but also very excitedly), I think I can tell you, I’m pregnant! I’m hoping against hope that this little one sticks, and I can’t wait to test again in a few days to make this seem more real!

Jane (and blob!) xx

Crinone: otherwise known as the witch

The last drug I’ve had to take throughout this process is called Crinone (8%). It’s a progesterone gel that mimics what your body would be producing (if it wasn’t so jacked up on other hormones). It’s taken…um…internally. Thankfully not a suppository, this one is instead a pessary. In plain language, that means an applicator where the action is. You squeeze a gel up the wazoo once or twice a day (once for me), and the progesterone is absorbed. 

the ever lovely Crinone

Sounds simple, right? Oh it is! So simple! No problems whatsoever, except for the side effects. The main one being, I’ve become a cottage cheese factory, right where you don’t want to be eating cheese. 

never, never going to be able to eat this again..

Progesterone is also the hormone responsible for all pregnancy symptoms, including:

  • Cramps
  • Fatigue 
  • Sore breasts
  • Irritability 
  • Constipation (lovely)
  • Gas (even better)
  • Dizziness

ALL of which I’m currently experiencing. So the question now is, are these symptoms the Crinone? Or is my body trying to tell me something? I’m already terrible with symptom watching, and this gel is not making things any easier. 

On another note, tonight I noticed a very, very small amount of light pink spotting. Like, a drop in the ocean, a teensy tinge, the lightest of light pinks. But still pink. Could it be implantation bleeding? Please, please, please let it be!

And lucky last, we found out they managed to freeze one of our embryos today, unfortunately the other three didn’t make it. This means we have another shot though, just in case things don’t work out this time. If they do, then we have a chance for another baby somewhere down the line. But let’s just focus on number 1 for now!!

Jane xx